I procrastinate for one reason. Fear. Procrastination is a form of freeze response for me. The answer for me to overcome fear is to acknowledge, accept, then move.
If I’m physically safe, relief doesn’t precede movement. It’s movement that precedes relief. My body feels me in motion, and it completes the cycle of fear.
The burst of emotion from the hormones of fear last 90 seconds, just like every feeling. So long as the trigger for the emotion remains inert, the hormone subsides. The motion activates the space in mind where zanshin lives, something an old teacher coined to describe one-point, the place of nomind and full presence. For me, if I think, I’ll find a thought that fuels the fear hormone. If I move in zanshin, then the fear has no fuel – and can be reserved for mortal dangers. Every time I practice this, my senses are more finely tuned. Every single time I do this, I practice overcoming internally generated fear and leave myself better able to respond to mortal danger in the outside world.
Overcoming procrastination makes me a pianist playing scales. I practice, over and over. I get the gift of procrastination, which means a chance to practice acknowledge, accept, move and overcome it. And through playing those scales, through conscious intention, the skill gets better. And then moves into the unconscious. The more I do this with intention, following the form, the more its like learning how to draw a sword, twirl a spear or use iriminage to step out of the way of a hurling fist and gently redirect their attack to calm the attacker.
Thank you procrastination. Thank you fear. Practicing martial arts has always been one of my favorite things to do. Thank you Yale Writers Workshop, for helping me find the words to describe 9 year old me, secretly training in the magnificent art of Chinese Heart Boxing. Thank you universe for giving me the opportunity to practice my scales. Thank you for the knowledge that through practice and intention, skills grow and mastery is achievable.
Thank you universe! Thank you!