What history’s most demanding survival situations teach about the difference between authority and resilience — built into a practical leadership framework.
When Mom was angry at me from the ages of 7 to 9, she’d say a phrase, 야메노새끼야. Yameno-seikiya. It means, “Yameno little bastard.” Yameno isn’t a Korean word as far as I can translate. A lot of her language was hangul, but some of it was different. Some from North Korea. Some from other […]
The shame I held for so long, that came from being a child who believed if something was wrong it was always my fault, goes beyond the feeling. When you have CPTSD, and it develops that young, it becomes neurological. It becomes biomechanical. It becomes part of how you see the world, and times of […]
A year ago today, I had a spiritual transformation, mind, body and soul. It happened on a day filled with strange coincidences, that began with me seeing a bird playing, in a way that reminded me of being a teenager and seeing the same thing on the day I officially quit working for my Dad […]
I moved into my apartment in October 2023. I was sad, depressed, angry, and grieving. I weighed 358 pounds, and was bearded, as I looked for a long time. By December 2023 I weighed 361 pounds. I left my old apartment because of memories. I’d lived there for 14 years, and needed a symbolic representation […]
Some people don’t have a narrative arc in their lives, not the long life or even short bursts. We have moments of story, if we’re aware enough to know, “I believed this was true, but learned it wasn’t,” and can see moments of change and even transformation.
I’m anemic again, officially. All that blood loss from the last few months, I knew what I was feeling. Thank god for Dr. Oneto and her snappiness, and thank god for CBT and me finally learning to advocate for myself and be an adult about my health. I must have been getting a flare again […]
I took some time over the last few days to create a health journal, in the format of a commonplace book. I wrote out sections for all of my health conditions, including diagnosis dates, care dates, medications and more. I didn’t fret if I couldn’t remember, but also got exact dates in whenever I could. […]
I watch people around me closely. It’s deep in my nervous system. I’ve rewired so much of my behavior, and keep doing the work via CBT because it works for me. But there’s some things that stay with me. One thing I watch for is displaced anger. Like, someone is upset with person A. But […]
I was at a sleepover for the first time, at Kerry Niesen’s house, decades ago. We’d picked a movie and were having dinner, me, Kerry, Jenny Niesen, and Kerry’s parents Jim and Rita. It was the first memory I have of seeing a family talking and having fun with each other at dinner. I didn’t […]