One way that narcissists behave is to cancel plans at the last minute, as a form of control.
People with chronic illnesses also sometimes cancel plans at the last minute, but it’s usually for the opposite reason. Your body is out of control, you want to spend time with people, you want to feel normal, and so you might be over-ambitious and try to make that birthday party, that improv show, that meeting and you miss it at the last minute.
For the folks on the other side of that, it can feel the same way either way. Which may be why some folks can get frustrated with their friend with the chronic illness. Unconsciously, it can feel like being around a narcissist, even if you’re consciously aware your friend is in pain.
I hate it. When I miss stuff or bail out because my stomach is in pain, I hate it. I hate losing my composure in public if I wince out of nowhere. I hate missing things. I hate overpromising. I hate that I know narcissistic behavior so well, and when I’m sick, that collides right with my own challenges with getting medical help.
Like, I sometimes used to avoid doctors because I felt like I was making myself the center of attention and didn’t want to do that. That’s not healthy, I catch that thought now, I know the feelings, but it’s there some days and I hate it.
I hope this bout ends quickly. I’ve gotten used to being able to be out and move at will. This last month has been a throwback to my 20s and 30s that I could do without.