I’m stuck on two thoughts today.
The first is about sharing. I see a lot of cultural narcissism, where social media feels designed for people who want to be seen and admired, and then teaches some of us to behave the same way. Like, in political and charitable sharing circles of social media there’s the danger of a communal narcissist. This is the person who talks up their giving and charitable work specifically for the admiration that comes with it. In some ways, this form bothers me the least – because at least people are getting help even if the motivations of the person doing so are the dark shadow of pure and wholesome.
But while I saw this culture developing, it collided with a coursening of discourse online. There’s a sociological term, virtue signalling, which has to do with how people communicate culture valued and norms to each other. If your culture values giving cantaloupes to people, indicating to others the joyous magic of cantaloupe gifting in conversation is an example of virtue signalling. This term, though, now refers to anyone who talks about good they do. The underlying assumption is that only selfish people talk about their good deeds openly. Which itself is a form of virtue-signalling – those statements says good people shut down and tell people to shut up about their personal connection to charitable work, and that to talk about it is embarrassing and shameful. Which then encourages people to avoid virtue signalling about something decent, to avoid the formerly scientific label which now has a pejorative meaning.
There’s people who believe that all altruism is selfish. That it doesn’t exist. But as I look back, the through line for everyone I encountered who thought this way is narcissism and a lack of empathy. So, I don’t buy it.
But I’m left stuck with something. I don’t know if I should talk about stuff I do like the magic books. I avoided signing my name to them because it’s not about me. But making them is lonely sometimes. If I talk about it, I’m not looking for praise or validation. Just connection. And maybe the hope that if they do some good, the idea rubs off on other people.
I feel more and more that while I appreciated reddit for giving me space to hone public writing, and Facebook for the same thing, that I’m participating in coursening the culture by even using these tools in the first place. I still want to connect. And use these tools to further my own hopes. But I’m wondering more if that’s possible.
Which gets me to a second thought which feels so arrogant. I think I’m pretty ordinary. I do have talents and things I’ve worked on. I have abilities which scare people sometimes, like, my memory and how fast I think. I’ve learned how to lead. And my values are such that I want to work to the best of my abilities. I had a dream of being an executive leader and even a CEO. I know I have the skills for it. But I wonder more and more if this idea is arrogant and Quixotic. Like, I wanted to be a leader who got there without compromising my morals or hurting people. I feel like I see people who did that. But then, I see so many who didn’t. I even see people who seem to have learned to be sociopaths to get ahead.
And that feels arrogant. Like, I’m so full of myself that I think my ambition is reasonable, and I’m inventing a problem for myself.
I’m trying to open my mind and let go right now. I know what I want, and my path. And I’m trying to be open to the idea of it all being okay as I get there.