Writing

Essays on connection, repair, and the occasional joke that saved my life. Fifty-odd of them, and counting.

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  • Notes on a Play

    Notes on a Play – fred chong rutherford

  • Curses

    When Mom was angry at me from the ages of 7 to 9, she’d say a phrase, 야메노새끼야. Yameno-seikiya. It…

  • Gratitude for Releasing Shame

    The shame I held for so long, that came from being a child who believed if something was wrong it…

  • Anniversary of Invincible Joy Rebel

    A year ago today, I had a spiritual transformation, mind, body and soul. It happened on a day filled with…

  • Individuation Blues

    I moved into my apartment in October 2023. I was sad, depressed, angry, and grieving. I weighed 358 pounds, and…

  • My Best Friend’s Name is Story

    Some people don’t have a narrative arc in their lives, not the long life or even short bursts. We have…

  • Anemia

    I’m anemic again, officially. All that blood loss from the last few months, I knew what I was feeling. Thank…

  • Commonplace Health

    I took some time over the last few days to create a health journal, in the format of a commonplace…

  • Notes from the Scapegoat

    I watch people around me closely. It’s deep in my nervous system. I’ve rewired so much of my behavior, and…

  • Choking

    I was at a sleepover for the first time, at Kerry Niesen’s house, decades ago. We’d picked a movie and…

  • No More Shame

    I have an app to track bowel movements, something easier to do on a phone than with pen and paper,…

  • I understand

    I think my Mom and Dad both had levels of emotional immaturity, because of abuse and trauma they suffered as…

  • Chronic Illness

    One way that narcissists behave is to cancel plans at the last minute, as a form of control. People with…

  • I learned to feel safe by caring for others

    I learned to feel safe by caring for others. I couldn’t take feeling in danger, I hurt myself, and then…

  • Finding Honesty

    A lot of people have had far too many skeptics in their life. Which can drive some to seek sycophants.…

  • The Children of Antifa

    I saw a little kid, screaming at the top of their lungs today, “my best friend is an immigrant! You…

  • THE PARADOX OF CHANGING THE WORLD

    A simple truth of life is that we all influence and shape it, through our actions and choices. This is…

  • Being Yourself

    I just woke up, and am feeling off. But I realized something. I’ve been holding on to an old identity,…

  • Memories from Israel

    My last memory of Israel is from nearly 20 years ago. The intifada had ceased roughly six months before, and…

  • Let me by myself

    I release fixing my weaknesses, I embrace building my strengths. It’s time to escape the trap of the amateur for…